Whee before I start I shall warn: don't get your hopes up, I'm not going to revive this already dead blog.

Hello world. This shall be the last official post on my pretty little blog - I still love it, but I don't feel like continuing with the narration of my life to the world. I guess keeping a blog is a way of leaving more than a statistic when I leave this world/earth, but it feels like I'm exposing too much about myself. Besides, I only ever write about mundane matters or rant about people or events that displeased me.

I love typing, I really do. It's easier on my fingers than writing, and much faster too. Paper can get wet or torn and is easily destroyed, but it's nearly impossible to erase whatever is typed and uploaded/made available on the net. But I don't want to type from a biased point of view. I'd much rather type out a fantasy than my life story (at the moment, at least). Typing can be so hurtful sometimes, too, because it's in black and white afterall (figuratively speaking), and can easily be misinterpreted. There's no tone, and the lines can be inferred from wrongly or interpreted to be sarcastic. Typing can get out of hand, and become rants. It's so easy- too easy, to type, that we misuse this... privilege (or so to speak). Perhaps the chinese passage I read just now makes more sense then I gave it credit for- a few well-said words that make and impact show one's cultures upbringing. Quantity VS quality all over again.

Wow. If you read that last paragraph, I really have to admire your patience and support. I was pondering/reflecting on technology, in a way, but not in general, so it's actually pretty biased. A heated debate with someone on MSN spoilt my mood altogether. I was reading, but suddenly lost interest in the story; I went to an anime site, but nothing interested me. I am disturbed, perhaps more so because the other party believes that I am the one at fault too. It all started with simple typing and got out of hand. I did what I've taken to doing - blocked that person for the sake of my own sanity.

I shall not be draggy. I'm reasonably happy with my life now, even though I'm positive it's not better than it was four years ago when I first started this blog. I've sort of found my way in life, and have decided on an aspiration - speech therapy/speech and language pathology. I love my play-time, slack-time, snack-time and sleep-time, and am as averse to sitting down properly and doing work/studying as I was a long time ago - perhaps even more.

I don't think I've changed much at all! In a hundred and thirty-six posts (this being the 136th), I have literally told all there is to tell, and more, of my secondary school life. At the end of the blog, I am just a nearly-sixteen year old girl, typing about herself, her views, thoughts and feelings, while trying to find herself, her way in life. I'm not sure if I've found anything, but I still love this blog to bits. Sometimes, you have to give up what you love, exactly because you love it for what it is/was.

Stars (burning rocks all over the universe) and snow (hardened water, softened ice), placed together by a little girl who didn't know any better. Four years of school, home and life, countless hours of computer usage, the blog that hasn't disappeared and the person that still loves to type.

I'm still me, myself and I, but snowy-stars will be no more - if you believed them to exist in the first place, of course.

Until then, みんなさん, さようなら！:')

(3/19/2011 10:26:00 PM)

hello world. dear blog, i hope u didnt forget me.

vanessa, u shld feel honoured =)

i've been reflecting alot on myself, what i've done and what i havent, what i should have done and what i shouldnt. i've caused alot of trouble for the pple arnd me, n i've been unreasonable, spoilt, childish, immature, and super uber annoying at tyms. u kno, smtyms i wonder what i've been doing with my life all this tym...

many things cant be put into words, nor into pictures. things that hav happened are past, and althou we remember them, others might not want to. i've taken many things for granted, and hurt alot of pple in the process, n i regret, but its always far too late.

if u wna know abt my trip to perth 3-4 wks ago, tell me, cuz i typed a journal nearly evryday on ms word. i can send the doc 2 u, u might find it interesting. i'll post the pictures someday if i ever feel lyk it. XD

sch's been hectic, life's been slow, time's been fast, hmk's been accumalating. i gav up on hmk cuz the comp was waiting 4 me. but time will pass quickly and i'll havta rush it tonight. bleach, here i come.

NP AP '10 is in SIX DAYS! =)

(4/11/2010 03:42:00 PM)

hey ^^ just realised dat i shld post mre, cuz sme things r meant to be shared. if u read diz b4 u read my lj, dont bother, im just gna copy n paste evrything frm diz para on thre. XD

grand fantasia is addictive =( very. i needa start doing the hol hmk alr, sch starts in...3DAYS!!

the holidays just flew past, n *poof* goes my plans of starting 2 prepare for sec 3 early. i havent even finished (barely started, actually) on the holiday hmk, dont even mention start preparing for the tests dat r gna come very soon, or those dat wont be coming so soon. in other words, i've wasted these holidays away. but only academmic wise. i've spent quite some tym with my family =) & i've read a few gd bks, learnt a few new things (lyk dragonflies eat mosquitoes!! XD) and figured out all this n plaed a few games n watched a few anime, so it was quite well-spent, having fun-wise. ^^

anw i decided dat before the first day of the yr comes to an end, i mustmustMUST make and set down in black and white, some resolutions. btw, i've repeated diz quite amusing routine for a few yrs, but i've nvr really followed thru n did what i resolved to, but oh well. XD

i resolve to, in the yr 2010:
- be a better daughter, sister, & fren, as far and as well as i can =)
- play less comp games n watch less anime n spend mre tym on my studies
- do the assessment bks i (actually my parents paid for them) bought (they R pretty expensive)
- grow up abit... more, physically (height n nt weight!!), mentally (mre mature in thinking?) n emotionally (stop wanting 2 cry all the tym, cuz it feels horrible)
*love more, both living n non-living things, n objets n thoughts alike. XD

*hugs evryone* Happy New Year! May 2010 be a fruitful & productie year for u, and as wonderful as i hope mine will be! ^^

<3

(1/01/2010 11:01:00 PM)

i havent posted for nearly a month! sry, my poor blog =)

i've nth much 2 post still, thou. juz very, very bored. facebk games, then grand fantasia, then anime, then grand fantasia again. cuz the closed beta is ending soon! =( fma, gakuen heaven, honey n clover, fma: brotherhood. gakuen heaven reminds me of ouran, except dat the main char is a boy, among other boys. bt omi n kaoru hav very nice eyes! XD

dun wanna think too much abt nxt yr, abt the futue, nt yet. let's juz enjoy the holidays first, dun wry so much n waste it all awae =)

c2 shall try nt 2 kill me, cuz i think i lyk it alot. oh wells.

このブロッグは本当に大好き！

<3

(11/28/2009 02:21:00 PM)

i've been posting on my lj but nt here, which i just realised is quite unfair, seeing hw this blog was created first n i dont hav the heart to delete it. im very confused now, because i cant decide what i wan 2 take nxt yr. what subjects, i mean. but yet there r so few choices, thre doesnt seem to be much i can choose from anyway. couldnt they hav just told me what i should take... cuz i'd prob juz put dat. deciding betw c1b, c2 n c3. which one shld be first? =(

my overall % this yr: 66.7%. oh i realise they didnt include jap at all. so jap didnt affect my overall marks. all the better i didnt quit.here goes:
English: 76 (A1)
Higher Chi: 57 (C5)
Japanese: 41 (E8)
Mathematics: 63 (B4)
Science: 65 (B3)
Geography: 67 (B3)
History: 68 (B3)
E. Literature: 65 (B3)
Art: 65 (B3)
Home Econs: 76 (A1)
CME: B
Music: A
P.E: B
A.C.C.: B3
Projwork: A
Conduct: Very Good.

since they didnt offer me triple sci or human(itie)s, i dont think i should appeal. appeal = write a letter to the principal saying y i deserve to study those subjects. but if they didnt offer it to me, they hav a reason rite? because my grades suck, because i wont be able to cope. so i shant appeal. so what on earth should i apply to take then!?

kayaking ytd was fine. quite fun actually. before lunch anw. it wasnt as bad as it could hav been, n was definitely mre fun & enjoyable than the previous wk's. I didnt even need to get in2 the water at all! XD but they shld hav let us wash n carry the kayaks back 2 the racks b4 lunch, so dat thre wouldnt be too many pple crowding arnd dat small washing area at the end of the session. i ache all over, n i've an uneven sun-tan! =(

i've decided! n i'll try not to change my mind anymre, althou i've prob changed my mind evry few hrs within the past few days.
1st option: C2 (Chem + Physics + E.Lit + SS-Geog)
2nd option: C3 (Chem + Physics + E.Lit + SS-E.Lit)
3rd option: C1b (Chem + Bio + E.Lit + SS-Hist)
giv me some comments / suggestion / encouragement? seriously very confused nw, cuz i dun ever wanna regret my choices, but yet im afraid i'll change my mind once i've submitted. im the kind of person who'd make a choice n stick to it. once i've submitted my options, i wont change my mind. i'll follow it thru even if it kills me. >,<

shixshixshix hav i ever saed hw unlucky i am!? ok nvrmind i've decided not to elaborate. its nt the kind of thing evryone shld kno. besides, i'll take it in my stride =)

ohh n the 3rd class retest is nxt wk!~ this coming wk actually. althou im nt sure what day what tym. hehe i shant sae hw horribly n terribly un-prepared i am. i hope i can pass diz tym... seriously, i hate tests. esp np ones.

ohohohhh im in souvenir comm again for the sec 1 orientation / cca fair! =) ok actually i dunno what to think of it. i'd rather be in campfire or gadgets, cuz i've nvr been in those. (althou last yr i think i wen 2 soak rags in kerosene, which smells awful) but the souvenir comm pple r quite fun =) quite interesting too. hahaas we're quite creative ok! we came up with manymany gd ideas (well gd to me, anw), which r difficult to make but yet look easy XD i lyk the dice one n the pinwheel one esp. the theme is quite fun 2 work with =)

double double toil & trouble, fire burn & cauldron bubble. brews erupt cascades of fire, leaves brown & flowers wither. (it does kind of flow... XD)

<3

(11/01/2009 06:16:00 PM)

the essay i wrote for the eng prac (sch hmk), posting juz for the sake of it. =)

Since she was young, Anastasia had never gotten along well with others. Her parents, both well-known professors who earned a lot of money, often travelled overseas to give lectures and seldom spent time with her when she was young.

Anastasia hated interaction with others. Everything in her life had been arranged for her since she was born, with nannies at hand to pacify her when she was an infant and domestic helpers to bring her snacks regularly, do her laundry, and clean up after her as she grew up. Anastasia found talking to others a waste of her time. From kindergarten to secondary school, Anastasia had private tutors who would give her lessons in her own home every day. Being an only child, Anastasia was very lonely, but her busy parents had no idea of her emotional needs. As such, Anastasia never had the chance to experience the real joy of family relations or the beauty of friendship.

The domestic helpers in the house once tried to befriend Anastasia. However, those who sincerely wanted to forge friendships with her soon left the household, not being able to put up with her arrogant and demanding nature. Those who tried to befriend her in the hope of a pay rise soon realised that they had bitten off more than they could chew, and soon left the household too. Anastasia's parents were too preoccupied to care much about the sudden departure of domestic helpers and simply hired more to replace those who had left.

Needless to say, Anastasia passed her GCE O' Level Examinations with ease due to her excellent tutors, and soon entered an elite junior college. She never paid much attention to her name or what others called her, but she was emotionally scarred when her name became the source of many hurtful jokes. For the first time, she felt ashamed to be named after a famous historical princess. Teased and bullied by her classmates in an unfamiliar environment, Anastasia simply failed to adapt.

Each day in school was pure torture for Anastasia. Her lack of communication skills caused her to be ostracised, and before long her parents started noticing that something was wrong with her. Anastasia starved herself and made dozens of slits on her wrists. She loved feeling the cool blade slicing through her skin, the wonderful feeling of warm blood trailing down her arms. The ecstasy of this self-mutilation was just indescribable. Part of her knew that she would never be accepted by the social circles in school.

Anastasia's parents realised that they had failed to give Anastasia a proper upbringing only when her concerned teachers started contacting them. Ostracised and friendless, Anastasia became more reserved than ever. The once plump and healthy girl was now nothing more than skin and bones, her eyes bloodshot and her cheekbones sallow.

Anastasia's parents tried everything from having heart-to-heart talks with them to sending her for counselling sessions by the most expensive psychologist available, but to no avail. Anastasia seemed to have given up on herself altogether, only doing life dictated she does, sometimes simply doing nothing at all.

The mid-year examinations came and went, and Anastasia failed every single subject. Her parents had no choice but to enrol her in a neighbourhood junior college instead, where they could only pray that she would do better, both emotionally and academically.

The neighbourhood junior college was filled with delinquent-like students and transfer students so Anastasia did not stand out much. However, the sight of her guide took her breath away. You could say that it was love at first sight.

As Anastasia got to know Jared better, she realised that they seemed to be from two different worlds. Jared had a humble upbringing and was academically-weak, and was everything she was not. Unlike Anastasia, Jared was kind, patient, and popular. He was friendly to everyone, while his cute boyish face and messy hair cropped painfully short won him the hearts of many female students.

Jared helped Anastasia adapt to life in the junior college, and constantly encouraged her to forge more friendships. He cared about her physical and emotional state more than anyone else ever did, and the two of them soon developed a special bond.

Before long, Anastasia became a lively and confident girl who was everyone's friend. On fourteenth February, when Anastasia was in her second year of junior college, Jared decided to bring their relationship to another level. After school, he pulled her to a deserted corner and brought his lips to meet hers. When the two of them finally ended their embrace, Jared took a deep breath and cheekily suggested, " What do you say about going over to you house to ask your parents to officially recognise me as your boyfriend?"

"They'll never believe this," was the first thought in her head. Anastasia laid her head on Jared's shoulder, intoxicated by the thought of having a real relationship with him.

THE END

kies dat's all. i kno it's very fairy-tale lyk, but it was a sudden inspired thing, so pls comment? =)

im so gna screw the EOYs. i juz cant do it. it = study n pass.

<3

(10/03/2009 08:45:00 PM)

i muz studyyy!! kies after diz post i shall be on a hiatus... shant be tempted 2 crap here till after the EOYs r over. i hope i can do it =)

havent posted 4 awhile, but im too lazy to type abt evry single thing dat's been happening in diz crazy whirlwind of events i call my life. so here's my today.

lit ct was harddd. what kind of paper was dat la! the passage was really very hard 2 write abt cuz they kip repeating the sme few points n thre's very lil' 2 quote!

chi was ok la. tang lao shi juz wen thru the ws for the chap, dat alotalot of ques i didnt kno hw 2 do. it was pretty boring =X

eng had summary tst 2dae. i juz suck at summary. so far i think summary is the only eng topic i've ever failed. im nt implying dat my eng is gd, it sucks. its juz dat i can FAIL summary, n very badly at dat too. i didnt really get the question, n i spent a really long tym on it. at first i wrote too much, then i started cutting out whole sentences, till i had really few. >,<

sci mr leow juz wen thru the latest physics test (24 / 30), then sme pple pestered him to show us the ppt he showed justice n unity too. it was quite interesting, as in hw he's dne do many different things n end up being a physics teacher in an all-girls sec sch. he used to work on the telecommunications system in the navy n others, n has alot of degrees, n travelled to many countries for his job. but he became a teacher because of the commitments he has 2 his family. jaclyn saes he lyks children / teens / adolescents. i think its quite sweet. XD

math was -usual-. teacher writes on board, goes thru evrything really quickly. i still dun really get set language. but i dun think its tested in the EOYs anyway. she revealed her psle, o' lvl n a' lvl marks 2dae. she looks the studious type, but i dun think she was a very bright / exceptional student. =X no offence meant.

cca 2dae was =l i dunno aso wor. pt was quite ok, except dat i really cant do sit-ups by myself. my physical condition is really, really bad =) havent exercised properly for ages ( by myself at hme anyway), n been stuffing myself too often. i gained lyk 2kg within the past few mnths, n im growing too fat! >,<>

i will start being a better student frm nw on =) will try anyway. study hard, slp early, be less weird, stop asking pple if they missed me / to miss me. but we all need a lil' mre love >,<>

chatting with jiejie ytd on my hp was really gd. i felt much happier n what we chatted abt really gt me thinking. the conversation was super expensive in terms of credit thou. in real money was prob much less. talking lyk hearing her voice over the phne is very diff frm skyping or juz type-chatting. the rest is secret =)

marshmallows melting, does it hurt the fluffs?

<3

(9/04/2009 10:17:00 PM)